Celebrating 100 posts of varying irrelevance!
August 14, 2010 § 3 Comments
This is totally my posting century! Who ever would have foreseen my committment extending to doing 100 of anything. Generally i’m a fickle gal who likes to dabble in a host of pursuits until they ultimately lose their shiny appeal… But apparently Bonne Santé transcends this troublesome trait, and i’m pleased to still be here!
In honour of sentimentality, I want to share with you just how much can change in the space of 8 months (the spritely age of BS), because even looking back through my old posts (and cringing!), it is startling the transformations that can occur.
Actually, as I type I’m also trawling back through my iPhoto gallery and cowering, because my gosh, I looked different a year ago too! I am tossing up putting in some pics for you to see…will I….won’t I….oh sheesh, I’ve always really hated those before/after ‘seeeeee-how-i’ve-transformed-i’m-a-beeeeautiful-butterfly’ shots, however it can be quite fascinating to observe the changes that can arise from an overhaul of diet/exercise regime, HAPPINESS, natural living…I just feel so much more content now, in myself and with the ways of the world.
Ok, here goes.
Let me draw your attention to three things:
1. These were NOT easy for me to publish (aforementioned reasons of being uncomfortable with too many photos of myself in general, and the cliché of the before/after model shoot. But here we find ourselves!)
2. I realise I was by no means huge or obese. I was approximately 6-7 kilos heavier than I am now (not in all the photos, obviously) but on my small frame with potential for decidedly bodacious bust/behind, I felt a little…rotund.
3. Apart from being physically heavier, what strikes me looking at these pictures is the recollection of how I felt about myself at the time. I was deeply uncomfortable – there’s a difference between making peace with your natural body weight (whatever the size/shape) as opposed to knowing that what you have is a result of something more – in my case, not living a lifestyle that facilitated maximum health and happiness.
I hated leaving the house everyday. I hated photos. I hated feeling frustrated that I had ‘tried everything’ and still remained awkward and embarrassed in my own skin.
The truth is that it doesn’t matter what numerical weight you are, what matters is that you are size healthy for you.
And today, I finally feel healthy.
And unkempt. With a big exercise-induced vein in my forehead. Please excuse.
In discussing weight and transformations, it’s important to note the problematic nature of body image, as it is so readily linked to that all-consuming quest for perfection that can become an eating disorder. The aspiration, ‘a perfect booh-tay will bring thine happiness’ is certainly NOT what i’m about, hailing from a family of amazingly insightful feminist role-models who taught me to worship the female form in all it’s guises.
I absolutely reject the notion that our worth as human beings is in any way dependant on our physical appearance. Screw that! We are fabulous, unique, intelligent and charming, ladies, and deserve to strut around accordingly.
But here’s the thing. I am so much happier now than 1 year ago. NOT because I have shed a few kilos, or feel somehow more worthwhile upon whittling away my middle, but as a consequence of the positive changes that have accompanied the overall journey. There, I said it, journey. I will understand if you feel the need to promptly remove me from your bookmarks bar!
Really truly seriously, I am now free of anxiety. I feel good about myself. I am doing things I love, and meeting people I respect. I am nurturing my body and it is responding with glowing approbation. I am eating consciously, and attempting to find ways to support the earth rather than destroy it. I am putting a shitload in and getting a mother-load back.
But hey, it ain’t all rosy!
This has diverged completely from all original intentions, so apologies for the all-about-me nature of this post. But, I hope to continue to spam you with random, largely unfounded musings on life and health for many more 100th’s to come! Thank you so much for reading 🙂